not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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