if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
