i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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