I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
