a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Congratulations! We have a period
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
