you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
