Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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