I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
