he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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