I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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