ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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