my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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