I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
