I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
