It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
