you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
