hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
