Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize