My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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