do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
