I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize