Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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