i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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