he shaved USA in his pubs
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
