There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
