Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
