it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
