i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
