so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
