Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
