I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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