I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
