I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
