here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
