sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
