girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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