Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
