Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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