sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize