It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
