I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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