based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
