I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
