I cannot find my penis.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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