you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
