Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize