I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
