is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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