I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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