dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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