ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
