She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
