the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
