mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
