I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
