if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
