I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
