can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
