The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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