Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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