Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
