Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
