I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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