I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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