Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
BRING THE BAGELS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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