Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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