these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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