he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
