This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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