Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
