If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
