I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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