I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
that may or may not have been my penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
