He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
