My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
