matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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