I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
