I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
