Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
