all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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