he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's get the cat blown out
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