I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
