I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
