Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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