Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i came on her dog
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
