Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
