Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
