Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
