She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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